Funny Cartoons of Renal Failure Biomarkers
I donated a kidney once
but they turned it down when I couldn't answer where I got it from.
I went to donate a kidney once..
I went in to donate a kidney once
but when I arrived at the hospital they asked me where I'd got it from
-Jimmy Carr
What do you say to a guy with kidney stones?
Urine trouble!
What did the kidney say to the other kidney when it failed?
Urine trouble now.
My Grandma E-Mailed me this one
When you drink vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure.
When you drink rum over ice, it can give you liver failure.
When you drink whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems.
When you drink gin over ice, it can give you brain problems.
Apparently, ice is really bad for you. Warn all your friends.
I heard my ex girlfriend needs a new kidney
I'm not worried, her body hasn't rejected an organ in 25 years.
-Tom Cotter
I took a selfie after my kidney removal surgery
hashtag nofilter
Do you remember the teen who had that kidney problem a decade ago?
He's doesn't have that problem anymore. He's knees are normal sized now.
I gave her my heart
but what she really needed was kidney transplant...
I tried to donate a kidney once...
...they wouldn't take it though because I wouldn't tell them where I got it.
My girlfriend likes golden meteor showers
(I have kidney stones)
You can explore kidney pancreas reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean kidney uti dad jokes. There are also kidney puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
My friend said she's had kidney problems since she was 7
I told her it's fine cause once she turns 18 she'll get adult knees
What do you call a gay guy's kidney stones?
Fruity pebbles
A man is granted one wish, but with a catch
A man unlocks a genie, and the genie tells him that he will grant him one wish, but whatever he wishes for, all lawyers in the world will be granted double.
The man thinks long and hard about his one wish, and calmly states "I wish to donate a kidney"
A man meets a Genie and gets three wishes
However any of his wishes that are granted, also come true for all the politicians in the world times two.
**Genie:** What is your first wish?
**Man:** I want a million dollars.
**Genie:** You now have a million dollars and all the worlds politician now receive two million.
**Genie:** What is your second wish?
**Man:** I want a new Mercedes.
**Genie:** You now have a new Mercedes and all the worlds politician now receive two of them.
**Genie:** What is your third and final wish?
**Man:** I want to donate a kidney.
What do you call a plant getting kidney surgery?
A transplant
The doctor told Harry Potter to drink 2L of Water a Day, but Harry didn't listen.
Harry Potter and the Kidney Stone.
What did the man, who had his kneecap replaced by that of a child's, say when he bumped his leg on a table?
Ow, my kidney!
Why did the chubby kidney doctor go to the weather convention?
He heard they were looking for meaty urologists.
Human-beings get rich as they grow old:
Silver in Hair;
Gold in Teeth;
Sugar in Blood;
Precious Stones in Kidney;
And a never ending supply of Gas!
What did the doctor say to the patient with kidney stones?
Urine trouble but it'll pass.
A 5 year old boy was in kidney failure.
Dad: "Son, I'm sorry, but your kidneys aren't working anymore."
Son: "it's gonna be fine, dad."
Dad: "I know...we can start dialysis and get you on the donor list."
Son: "I was actually thinking about just asking for my adult knees early."
Pie rates of the Caribbean joke
In Jamaica you can get a steak and kidney pie for £1.75, a chicken and mushroom pie for £1.60 and an apple pie for £2.15.
In St Kitts and Nevis a steak and kidney pie will cost you £2, a chicken pie (without mushrooms) is £1.70 and a cherry pie can be yours for £1.95.
In Trinidad and Tobago, that steak and kidney pie comes in at £2.50, but you can two for £3.50, while the chicken and mushroom pie is £2.25, or two for £3.25. They also offer meat and potato pie for £2, or two for £3. Their apple pies and cherry pies are often sold for £2.75, or two (any combination) for £4.75.
Those are the Pie Rates of the Caribbean
It's obviously worse to pass a kidney stone than giving birth to a baby.
Because people always say they want another baby but no ones ever said they want another kidney stone.
I just bought an iPhone X
It still hurts where my kidney used to me.
I had two kidneys growing up..
Now I've got two adult knees
What did the child say when he bumped his knee?
Ow, my kidney.
What did Phil Jackson name his kidney stone?
Kobe because it never passed
I donated a kidney last year
Well, I never got to the donation part.. apparently I MUST state where I got it from
Why can a teacher donate her adult-sized kidney to save a student?
Because it's a kidney, not an adultney.
How come when someone donates a kidney, they get called a hero
But when I go ahead and donate five, I get arrested?
Doctor to Patient - Your kidney failed.
Patient - What was the pass marks?
If a person donates a kidney, he's a hero
But when I donate 5, I get arrested.
Adam was lonely
He said "God, all the creatures have their mates but I am alone".
God thought for a minute and said "I will make you a perfect companion. She will be lovely, kind, attentive and will fulfill your every desire. I'll need from you two fingers, a kidney and one of your testicles".
Adam thought for a minute and said "What can I get for a rib?"
Someone donates one kidney and is hailed as a hero.
I donate five, and get arrested?
My grandfather donated his kidney and was considered a hero
I donated 5 and was arrested.
The UK doesn't have a kidney bank
But it does have a Liverpool
A DIY kidney transplant...
...is a home renalvation.
My wife asked if I would donate my kidney to her if she ever needed it. I said I would but there's strings attached.
..and veins and arteries.
Guy and genie in a bottle
Guy finds a bottle and opens it. Out comes the ghost and says:
"I will grant you 3 wishes but there's a catch...for every wish you make every politician in the world gets double of that."
And the guy says: "I want a Ferrari"
Ghost: "Done, plus 2 for each politician"
Guy: "I want 10 million dollars"
Ghost: "Done, plus 20 million for each politician"
Guy: "I always wanted to donate a kidney"
Someone donates a kidney, gets called a hero...
I donate 5 and get arrested.
Someone asked me what I would do if I had a kidney stone ?
I said I'll pass on that
I don't understand when someone donates a kidney they get praised a hero,
But when I donate 5, I get arrested?
Thanos goes to his urologist.
The urologist says, "Congrats Thanos, you now also have the kidney stone"
I've had kidney stones for my entire life and it seems that they'll always be there forever
They're infinity stones
Chuck Norris once had the case of the kidney stones
Now they are known as the infinity stones
I honestly hate how a person who donates 1 kidney is considered a hero...
I donated 4 and I'm somehow a criminal
Organ donation has a nasty double standard when it comes to praise.
Some guy donates his kidney, he's praised as a hero. I donate 5, and I get arrested? Double standards smh
Why is it that when someone donates a kidney they're called kind-hearted?
But when I donate seven it is apparently "illegal" and "immoral".
I asked the seller on the black market how much a kidney costs
He said it would be worth an arm and a leg
If you donate a kidney your'e a hero
If you donate five you get arrested
I used to have two kidneys
Now I have two adult knees
If someone donates their kidney, they get praised for their selflessness...
But if I donate five, I get arrested?
Why did the little boy think that his father had kidney failure?
His father said, "You're in trouble".
Oh, sure. My friend donates a kidney to the City Hospital, and he's treated like some hero.
I donate five kidneys and I get arrested.
How come that someone donates one kidney and they're a hero,
but I bring 5 in a plastic bag and I get arrested.
I passed my kidney stones with flying colors!
But mostly red.
What's the difference between a kidney bean and a chickpea?
Politicians won't pay $500 to have a kidney bean on their face.
Donate a kidney and you're a hero
Donate 5 and they keep asking whose are these? Where did you get them
A guy goes into a grocery store and says, "I'd like a can of kidley beans."
The grocer says, "Don't you mean kidney beans?"
The man says, "I said kidley, diddle I?"
A guy donated a kidney and they called him a "Hero"..
I donated 7 and they called me a monster
How do you know kidney stones are worse than pregnancy?
After a a kidney stone, nobody says let's have another
When I donate one kidney, I am applauded as a hero...
When I donate one hundred kidneys, people start asking questions.
Donate one kidney, they call you a hero. Donate two, they call you a saint.
But donate three or more, and suddenly you're a monster.
I tried to donate a kidney
But they kept asking where I got it
What happens when a kidney smokes weed?
It gets kidney stoned.
As told by my 11 year old son.
I donate 1 kidney to a hospital and everyone thinks I am a hero
I donate 10 kidneys and everyone thinks I am a monster
What do you call an overweight kidney doctor who can also predict the weather?
A meaty-urologist
How do you get a kidney stone?
By living a sedimentary life style.
Two friends are driving through a town...
They see a billboard saying:
Vodka + water = kidney problems;
Rum + water = liver problems;
Whiskey + water = heart issues;
Gin + water = brain damage;
Says one to the other dude, looks like there are some serious issues with water supply in this town
Chuck Norris passed 6 kidney stones.
Thanos used them in the Infinity Gauntlet.
In Wisconsin a woman donated a kidney to a dairy farmer and he was so grateful he agreed to marry her. The preacher said: what God has joined let no man put asunder. The groom interrupted: what's asunder?
The preacher said apart. The farmer said a part of what? Apart from your wife said the now frustrated minister. The groom said shit! I already got a part from her.
A man was hospitalised for 3 weeks.
He fell in love with the young pretty nurse.
He sent her a note: "You have stolen my heart".
The Young Nurse in panic responded: No Sir, We have stolen your kidney, haven't touched your heart.
People are so ungrateful. smh.
Donate 1 kidney: everyone loves you
Donate 4 kidneys: sudden yelling
If you donate one kidney everyone praises you!
But donate five and suddenly everyone is yelling and you lose your job as a surgeon.
Sheesh!
When you donate a kidney, you are a total hero, everyone loves you
When you donate five kidneys though, people start yelling, the police gets called - sheesh
If animal organs were compatible with humans...
Your dog would offer you his kidney even if he only had one that worked.
Your cat would show up one morning with 37 kidneys in a sack and tell you to pick one.
Are you my uncles kidney?
Because you're a failure.
When I donated a kidney, they said I was a hero.
But when I donated 7 more, they seemed a lot less appreciative.
So when I donate a kidney I'm hailed as a hero, but when I donate 20 kidneys I get arrested?
Make up your mind hospitals!
Doctor has a question.
He asks if I'd like to be a kidney donor. I tell him "Doc, I'm all grown up now. I have adult knees, I don't think that'll work."
According to state media, one of the Chinese Olympic torchbearers is part Uighur.
I believe they gave him a spleen or a kidney.
My 6 year old twins were learning about organs like the brain and the heart and the kidney and…
One of them says No this is a Kid Knee with a smirk while pointing to his knee! I about died laughing.
I went to donate my kidney yesterday
I went to donate my kidney yesterday... they called me a good person
I went in with 2 more today and they called the police on me
The worst band to listen to if you have kidney problems.
The Stones.
What did the pee say when it was blocked by a kidney stone?
"Urine my way."
A man walks into a bar and says I'm here to drink my troubles away!
Well you've come to the right place. says the bartender, What'll it be?
The man replies One water please
Just a water??
Yeah, I have kidney stones.
It really takes heart to be an organ donor.
Or a liver. Or a pancreas. Even a kidney or two.
Source: https://jokojokes.com/kidney-jokes.html
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